Week in Review: yep that just happened....

Ok, so as any of you who know either Megan or me (and even more so if you have the honor of knowing both of us) would guess, there were way too many "yep that just happened" moments to include in detailed blog posts. "Hey, just think… it's material for the blog" quickly became the quote of the week. And so, as we get ready to leave Bangkok, we have compiled a Week in Review for your entertainment. It's a long list, so grab your popcorn, tequila, and mangosteens, and enjoy!

PHNOM PENH

• Saturday 5am - wakeup call from Himawari hotel front desk. "Ma'am, I find driver for you to Siem Reap today. Only $70. He here at 1pm." Awesome. Thank you for calling us at this ungodly hour.
• 10 mins before we are to meet our driver in the lobby, Megan decides she must see Phnom Penh's Royal Palace. "I'll be right back!" 20 mins later, a running Megan returns to the lobby just in time to make us only fashionably late. This also marks the point of possible heatstroke number 1.
• Two hours into our drive to Siem Reap, Sara yells "Stop! Stop! Stop!" at our frightened driver who screeches to a halt just in time for Megan to jump out and leave her breakfast (mmmm, mangos...) in an unsuspecting family's yard... all 8 of them watching the event. (Also known as The Mango Incident)
• "You wait 3 mins" our driver says to us, while apparently he takes care of the real reason he is coming to Siem Reap today: a special delivery of several boxes of surely benign goods. (Also known as The Mules Incident)
• Driver informs us he does not in fact know how to get to where we are staying. But! His friend "Richard" does. So, doing exactly what our mothers would advise us not to do, we transfer our bags to Richard's tuk tuk (in the dark). Richard chants USA! USA! USA! all the way to our guesthouse.

ANGKOR WAT

• Guide Cha Cha educates us on Cambodian ancient history. We educate him on Nirvana, Brangelina, and a variety of American slang. I really wanted to explain "that's what she said" but I managed to hold back. However the fact that he loved "let's make like a baby and head out" leads me to believe he'd also love a good TWSS.
• Halfway through temple 1 of 7, Megan and I become more than a little concerned about possible heatstroke number 2. When we simultaneously sit down in the middle of one of Cha Cha's explanations, he smiles and asks "What? You hot?"
• Mid-lunch monsoon: decidedly better than possible heatstroke number 3.

SIEM REAP

• Dinner at Red Robin of Siem Reap that included a "Cambodian traditional dance show" and a bucket of a drink called "the aloha screwdriver" which earned us a t-shirt that says "Khmer and proud of it" (HH group: watch for a debut from Megan in the weeks to come...).
• “You want fish massage, madam?" (you sit in a tank and let fish suck on your feet...). Uh… no, thanks.
• "Wardrobe malfunction" in guesthouse pool. You may now refer to Megan as Janet Jackson.
• Yet another example of "America is everywhere": there's a Dairy Queen at the airport. IN CAMBODIA.
• Bangkok flight cancelled, booked on the next one leaving in 5 hours. Good thing there's so much to do and see in this airport.... Food and bevvie voucher for quite possibly the most disgusting noodle dish ever to have touched our lips.
• On the flight to Bangkok, Sara decides to move to one of the completely empty exit rows. She is quickly informed to move to a different seat by a very bossy flight attendant. Apparently we don't need anyone to assist in the case if an airline emergency, those doors will open on their own.

BANGKOK

• After 5 hours, 3 travel agents (one of which we went to twice) and an hour in the hotel's internet café we decide to go to Koh Samet.
• Enter new BFF, Sherry from Canada. Directionally challenged (even more so than us!), she asks for directions every 3-4 mins. Each time, her informant wouldn't even wait for her to specify where we were going. "Jim Thompson House… that way!" Apparently, 3 sweating white women could only be headed to one place.
• Bangkok nightlife: approached by several men hoping to pique our interest with "Sex show for you? Pussy pingpong?" We can’t help but wonder what type of consumer branding bracket we fell into on this one.
• Sara is called a "bad bad woman, a bitch" in the Patpong Night Market, after explaining very nicely that she didn't want to pay more than $3 for a pashmina (because I know you get them for 40 cents!). Oh c'mon, lady! Like she hasn't been called THAT before!

KOH SAMET

• After a four-hour joy-ride with “fun” people (ahem, enough character for a hit tv sitcom) in a minibus (ahem, 9 passenger van), we board (ahem, jump on) a ferry (ahem, old fishing boat) with 30 cases of liquor (and God knows what else). On other side, we climb into taxi (ahem, back of a pickup truck) with 9 backpackers (ahem, dirty 22-year-olds who think they are living the dream).
• First massages of the trip… DO. NOT. LOOK. AT. SARA. DO. NOT. LAUGH. DO. NOT. LOOK. AT. MEGAN. DO. NOT. LAUGH.
• Megan is challenged to a game of Connect Four by the owner of a beachside bar. He wins. Over and over.
• After dinner fire dance show by 10 hot, half-naked men (also known as Sara’s “kid in a candy store” moment).
• Sara orders a “Bicardi Breezer” thinking it’s a cocktail. Its not; it’s bitch beer. After 3 of them, she decides they aren’t too bad.
• At another beachside bar, Megan is challenged again to Connect Four, and again gets her ass kicked... over and over. Sara paints her nickname on the bar with neon paint while enjoying tasty 2 for 1 margaritas.
• Megan leaves for 3-hour tour, returns 6 hours later, sunburned and telling strange stories of “wild bunnies on islands.”
• Race to the other side of the island to see sunset. Completely cloudy, leaving no sunset, only 2 white girls suffering from possible heatstroke number 4.
• After pulling away from dock, Megan asks gentlemen next to us: “This boat is going to Ban Phe, right?” His response: “No idea.”
• Mini bus driver thinks he can scam us by dropping everyone off on a random Bangkok corner and requiring us to pay and extra 300 baht for ride to our hotel. Via a mixture of playing dumb and being American bitches, we get him to take us to the hotel (as originally agreed to and paid for). Upon arrival, he asks for money. We get out, yell “We already paid!” and run off.

BANGKOK, ROUND 2

• Pedicures fuel small anxiety attack. “Uh, yeah… I’m guessing those tools weren’t sanitized….” Thank god for the two tubes of Neosporin Sara brought.
  
• Last massages of the trip…. How can a woman that small be that strong? And are we supposed to cry and do Lamaze breathing through it? And, the bruises… are they normal?
  
• Flower market at 7am: perfect photo opp… complete with rats the size of cats.
  
• Last stop before airport: Wat Pho to see Reclining Buddha. Sara plays stick game with old man at foot of standing Buddha, resulting in following fortune: Just like an uprooted tree, life seems cheerless. Watch for mismating. No lucks. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Oh what a week! What a perfectly exciting and nothing-but-fun week!

American Bitches

Saturday marked our last full day of vacation (imagine sad face here). We started the trip back from Koh Samet to Bangkok around 11am. It consisted of a trip almost identical to the trip over, save for a few small exceptions, and a rather dramatic ending.

The boat was packed with travelers this time. After we pulled away from port Megan had the thought to confirm that this boat was in fact going to Ban Phe. Perfect, right in front of us was a gentlemen whose chances of speaking English seemed quite high. "Excuse me, this is going to Ban Phe, right?" "No idea." Fabulous. I suddenly felt like the 2 German guys on our ride here who couldn't be totally sure the van was going on to Cambodia. Luckily for us, we did end up at the right place and jumped off the boat onto the dock like pros. Psh... 22-year-old backpackers have nothing on us.

After locating out mini bus driver, we were informed that we had about an hour to wait until the van would leave. Now some would suggest we walk around a bit, but we had a plan (we've done this before!): we were going to be the first 2 people on that bus if it's the last thing we do. No back seats for these ladies (we don't need another mango incident afterall).

So we waited and politely engaged in conversation with our competition while I kept one eye on the driver at all times. As soon as he moved an inch, I was on my feet and Megan and I were at the van door. Bam! Take that bitches!

Unfortunately a 130 departure time meant that we didn't get into Bangkok until the height of rush hour (yeah on a Saturday). Just inside the city, the driver pulls over and says "Ok! We here!" Uh, no we not. We paid for a ride to the hotel, thank you. As the rest of the van piled out, Megan and I made the decision not to be nice (dumb) tourists on this one. Looks like our American Bitches hats will need to come out. I must give most of the credit to Megan though. She led the conversation that got our driver to start driving us to the hotel. As he drove he started explaining in a mix of very little English and very grand hand gestures (he'd be a good charades partner...) that he had a small baby to feed, and that we should pay him an extra 300 baht. The minuscule amount of sympathy I had for him quickly vanished when he started yelling at traffic and driving like a crazy man. Damn it! How can there not be seatbelts in here?!?!? When we got to the hotel, it was my turn to wear the AB hat: as we got out of the van and he turned and said "money", I yelled "We already paid!" and slammed the door. We quickly walked away (me shaking, both in relief that we didn't die in a car accident and just because I always shake when I have to yell) and megan reassuring me it was ok. After crossing the street, we looked at each other and said "good blog story."

Sssssssssssunset

The rest of our time on Koh Samet wasn't much different than the first day: laying in the sun getting up only to go get a massage or ice cream (or both!) during the day and going out to a beach bar for dinner and drinks. And it couldn't have been more perfect. We would be ultra-relaxed by the time we got back to Bangkok the next night.

One day, though, Megan decided to mix it up and take a tour to see some neighboring islands. "Have fun!" I yelled from the comfort of my beach mat where I was at the mercy of a Thai masseuse yet again. I was perfectly happy seeing just this island, from just this spot.

Seven hours later when I woke from my sun-soaked slumber at 6pm and saw that there had been no sign of my travelmate, I assured myself everything is fine. Megan had been talking about wanting to watch the sunset on the other side of the island; I had assumed she would stop in and get me first but given the sun would be setting in about 20 mins, maybe she decided to go on her own.

Fifteen minutes later, just as I'm starting to go through the possible next steps for a Thai-Island search and rescue, I see Megan speed walking up out of the sand and saying something in a frantic matter about the ridiculously long time it took for that tour. I start to ask more when she speeds past me saying we have 5 mins to climb this hill to the other side of the island to see the sunset. Ok! Here we go! About halfway up, I have flashbacks to our Angkor Wat climbs (you know, when we thought we might have a heatstroke). At the top of the hill we start back down through a forested trail. Now some of you know of the one major phobia I have and if you are of that lot, you can probably guess the level if panic that starts running through my blood at this moment. Hmmm... a forested jungle-like setting on an island in Thailand. Fabulous. I'm sure there aren't any snakes hiding out in here.... Oh God, just breathe Sara, just breathe (which, by the way, would be much easier to do had we not just booked it up this hill). 90 seconds into our jungle trek, and about 60 seconds into my failing panic-reducing breathing, we see the west side. I have no doubt that the view at sunset would be amazing here. However, it seems that tonight the west side of the island is under a bank of clouds leaving the sun nowhere to be seen. That's it! I'm not going any further... In minutes it's going to be dark and the thought of walking back through this surely infested area with no light is not doing anything for my current state of panic (Megan: "Don't worry, I have my keychain light." Uh....). I hand Megan my camera and tell her to snap away. I'll see her back here in a minute. So much for "ultra-relaxed"....

Shockingly (I know!), we made it back to our beach bungalow without any snake sightings and a few hours later my breathing and heartrate returned to a more normal state. We enjoyed our last night on the island with... yep, you guessed it: a nice meal and tropical drinks on the beach, followed by a riveting game of Connect Four.

New Thai specialties: massage, fire dancing, and Connect Four

Ah yes. Now this is what I call vacation. Waking up from our little beach bungalow, stumbling out to the sand, and setting up camp for the day. Agenda item #1: soak up some sun and lots of it. Supplies needed: 2 beach towels and SPF 8, 15, 30, 55, and 70 (I'll let you guess who used which). Agenda item #2: massages. Thai massages. On the beach. Supplies needed: 300 Thai baht ($10).

Neither of us had never had a Thai massage. They say they have a lot of health benefits and I can see why. It was amazing. Granted, at times it can feel like you're getting the shit kicked out of you by a small bony child, but afterward, you feel pretty awesome. It's actually lot like yoga (or hot yoga if you're on the beach!), only better: you don't have to do any of the work. (Note to self: explore insurance coverage and PATH fitness reimbursement for Thai massages when back home) And so, it quickly became a daily necessity for both of us. "What should we do now?" "I know! Thai massage!"

After feeling sufficiently loose (Uh yeah, that's what she said) and nice and crispy (don't worry it evens out into a nice tan later), we decided to head into town. $7 and a ride in the back of a pickup truck ("songathew" or something like that) later, we were in town ( also known as a busier area of the beach). After shopping a bit ("you know, Sara, we only brought our backpacks to the island...."), we found what looked to be a happening little spot on the beach for dinner. And happening it was! Complete with a live band and fire dancers. Music and half-naked men about to play with fire (funny, this was exactly agenda item # 3...), excellent!

Now this brings me to important Asia observation #836 (also known as random rant warning): what is wrong with the music here? Most of the time you just hear some horrible rendition of a 1980s flashback tune (Richard Marx seems to be a favorite) arranged for a saxophone solo with a keyboard backup. But tonight we got a special treat: a Jamaican-Thai cover band playing a range of American classics. And by classics, I mean Shakira, Usher, Jason Mraz... From the performance, Megan and I gathered that we could def make it as musicians here. Talent doesn't seem to be a requirement. (Ian, Alisa, Mark, and Norman: you woulda had a heyday here... And then you woulda needed some quality time with Bob, Ryan, and the Beatles to wash it all away). Anyway, when we've done all that we can do at PATH, we will call on a few of you to join us in our musical endeavor (no auditions necessary).

When the band announced that it was their last song and that the fire dancers were up next, we cheered a silent cheer. And then when I saw these fire dancers, I all but jumped off my beach mat in excitement. The previous night we had seen a group of 3 boys fire dancing on the beach near our place. And by boys I mean like 6 year olds (apparently male responsibility with fire starts at a younger age here than at home). But these were no 6 year olds. Oh no, these were men, like 10 men. And we had a front seat. Hello boys (er, I mean men), come to Mama!

On our way back to our beach bungalow, we decided to make a quick stop at Naga bar to see if our friends, Andy and Lina, from our trip over were out and about. Sadly they were not (and we quickly said a little prayer in hopes that they were not at the local hospital stitching up yet another piece of cute little Lina). However, we did find something equally ad entertaining: a buy-one-ge-one-free happy hour and Connect Four. Now while neither of us had played Connect Four in years, this was the second night in a row that the game was presented to us. Who knew the game was so popular in Thailand!?! And so while I thoroughly enjoyed the happy hour special (a margarita or two would surely cool me down from fire show), Megan thoroughly had her ass handed to her by a bartender who had clearly perfected his Connect Four strategy.

Vanpooling in Thailand

Wednesday we made our way to Koh Samet. It was, as expected, an interesting journey. One that consisted of one "minibus" (IMB, much like Blue Lightning, actually!) transferring us to another one, in which our fellow travel mates consisted of the following:

-- A man in his early forties from Pensacola (whose sons supposedly made up the Motown records' band The Boys (anyone heard of them?)... He now travels every couple of months to Shanghai and Bangkok for god knows what. Oh and he later, during a discussion on the things PATH works on, divulged to us and the rest of the van that he had a women's condom in his bag...). Uh, yeah....
-- An angry American man (supposedly from Hawai'i... But I found that hard to believe given his temperament) traveling with his tiny Asian wife who spoke no English and their 2month baby. When we got to the ferry we got to witness the height of his anger when several 4-letter expletives flew from his mouth upon seeing the quality of our floating accommodation.
-- Two German men who were apparently heading to Cambodia and had a slight (ok maybe 2-hour long) panic attack when their language barrier with our Thai driver made it fantastically difficult to get any reassurance that this van would in fact continue on to Cambodia.
-- A mid-twenties girl in the front seat that didn't say a single word the entire 3 hour trip
-- A man and a woman, who we assumed - based on the fact that they were passed out on each other, waking up only to make out every so often - were a couple. About 2 hours into the drive, when they had had enough sleep I guess, they woke up and started talking, or rather trying to talk. She was British or Australian and I have no idea where he was from, but he spoke little to no English. Clearly they had just met.
-- And, finally, in the back row with Megan and me, were seemingly the only 2 other somewhat normal people: Andy and Lina, who also had just met (he from Germany, she from Korea). The circumstances of their meeting were quite entertaining actually: they were both out at a club in Bangkok three nights ago. She, after having a little too much to drink and wearing heels, managed to trip up a flight of stairs, bruising both knees and cutting open her mouth to the point where an ambulance was called. Andy helped her out the door only to find that the "ambulance" was a woman police officer driving a motorbike. So like any gentleman would do (or so I hear) he got on the bike behind the driver and Lina (neither having anything to hold onto) and the sped through Bangkok to a Thai hospital where reportedly 2 highschool-aged girls stitched her up and sent them on their way. All, by the way, for 800 Baht (a little less than $30).

Yes,one could say this van heading to the Koh Samet ferry (and then onto the Cambodian border, don't worry, guys!!) was much like the vanpool I used to take from Queen Anne to Olympia each day: we had lots of character.

Upon arrival at the ferry dock we were escorted to the boat that would be transporting us to the island. Sadly I do not have an iSara photo of this, but when you do see it in the compilation post-trip, you might understand Mr. Angry's need to use the f-word a few times. We however embraced our inner-adventurer and hopped on alongside the cases and cases of liquor being loaded on to the boat.