Living in Lavendar

I love the smell of lavendar. It is pretty much my favorite smell. So clean and so calming (imagine that!). And it reminds me of my mom. Today I went upcountry to visit the Kula Lavendar Farm - one of the now checked off items on my "Do These Things Before Leaving The Island" list. It was lovely. And, wow - can't say that I knew you could do that much with lavendar. Sure, lavendar soap, lotion, oil, even lavendar tea - all those I can see. But, lavendar vinegar, lavendar scones, lavendar lemonade, even Lavendar chocolate! Pretty flippin' impressive if you ask me. And, lets just say, they aren't lying when they say Lavendar is a relaxing aromatherapy. I was about as relaxed as I could get, my eyelids growing heavier and heavier driving back. We're lucky I made it home.

I've been packing this week... have to be out of my house in a week. Its amazing how much shit I have here. I mean, seriously? Who moves with this much crap? And how the hell do I acquire more? But, I have been utilizing will power and the oversized garbage can we own. "If you haven't seen it since you moved in, it probably should go. If you didn't know you even had it, it definitely goes." So far so good. By the time I get back to Seattle, I should be an expert at this game.

Shit! A God damned gecko just scared the crap out of me. We're talking a jump and a full-on yelp. Nice one, little guy. That's one thing I can't say I'll miss - the common presence of little critters EVERYWHERE. Sure, they're technically harmless, but they also have the ability to give you a heart attack when they scurry up the wall next to you (or fall on you, as in one case last week). Its about enough to make me come out of my [yes, freckled and sunkissed] skin....

Ahh, it's only 9:50, but my bed is calling me. It's saying, "Sara, you have to work a double tomorrow, and you're gonna be hatin' life in the morning if you don't slip into these sheets soon..." Yah, yah, yah - I'm coming.....

Seattle Summer

So.... it's official!!! I am coming home TO SEATTLE this summer! I arrive June 23rd! Woohoo! I am sad to be leaving Maui, but I am making the most of it. And, as everyone knows I love Seattle, so its not a hard place to go back to. And Seattle in the summer is the best!

Not sure how long I will be there, but at least until September. Then, I hope to go through with my NY plans! But, as we all know, I work best on the quarter system --- so I am making no plans for more than 3 months in advance!

It will have been such a fun 9 months on-island! And, as I knew I would, I have made some priceless friendships here. So now to add to my ever-expanding worldly collection, I have my Maui Friends! Yes, I am one lucky girl... my cup runneth over.

Anyway, all you Seattle folk... get ready for a little Hawaiian love, as I can't wait to see your gorgeous faces in a couple of months! It'll be a fun summer! I promise to bring back some sunshine....

Road Ends Ahead

Okay. So, I tried my hardest to be normal, to be sane, to be funny and likeable. I wanted to be that crazy, fun, and desirable person I was when we first met. I know whats going on now between him and the other girl. I've known for quite some time now but, I was adamant about not allowing it to affect me. However, plans change when you realize something is completely over, that it is simply never going to happen again. You suddenly force yourself to have no care in the world, no worries on what he may think about you. And you suddenly lose the ability to cut yourself off after a bottle of wine... or two.

He is uncomfortable, and I am... direct. I have always been good at plowing through awkwardness - cracking a joke, forcing conversation, flashing the perma-smile to avoid any suspicion or unwanted comments. I cant lie worth shit, but I will go through hell and highwater to avoid an awkward situation. And, tonight I waded through it with all my might. As we spoke casually, I shoved the erotic flashbacks as far away from me as I could. I refused to allow the pictures to take shape in my head. At times I would see them start to form, but I would immediately distract myself by starting a completely random conversation. I spoke flippidly of other men. I engaged in numerous other conversations. And, I let it roll casually off my tongue that I was leaving in 2 months. He took it in and then, without a step, threw it right back at me with a nonchalant and forgettable comment. Apparently two can play this game, and apparently we both play it very well.

To make matters worse, no one really knows about our tiny, yet satisfying affair. At most, a few know a handful of conservative details. I certainly didnt make it public knowledge and I highly doubt he did either. So every sexual comment, every innuendo, every tiny little joke was funny to everyone else, and funnier (in a much more secretive way) to us.

Its exhausting calculating every move, every comment. You dont want to seem to interested in what he is doing, saying, looking at; yet, you cant help but be a bit distracted by it. You want to seem carefree and jovial, but not obnoxious and irresponsible. Inevitably you come out with a mixture of all four. And then you worry about it. Maybe even venture to write post a myspace blog about it, all the while wondering who will read it and what they might think. However, then you, if you are like me, remind yourself that it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks, as long as at the end of it all you are satisfied with what you think.

And, though this path is pointing towards a Dead End, I am completely satisfied with what I think. I just hope that he was satisfied too....