How about a little validation? It's all we want. We don't want "I love you". We don't want to relive the past. We don't even want affection. Just validation. We make our attempts to prove that we are over it. That we are over you. And, to prove that all of it wasn't for nothing. And even though we fear that you might think such attempts stem from desire and hope, we continue to make them – for it is necessary in our mind to make the present bigger than the past. It is necessary to plow over awkwardness, to stumble through uncertainty, and to dodge humiliation in order to show that we are strong, untouched, unemotional, and that you no longer matter. Because, quite frankly, you don't.
The loop hole, however, is that you think it is all for something more. You wonder if we are wanting more. If we are feeling more. Maybe you silently hope so – because if we did, that would be your sign that all of it wasn't for nothing. Our attempts signify to you a change in heart, a change in strength (weakness?) and you like feeling like the strong one, the important one, the one who on occasion just might still occupy our mind. It is that hope that prohibits your gift of validation to us. And it is that lack of validation that frustrates us, fucks with our mind, and on occasion even makes us hate you.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
New Blog - No Title
As if life hasn't thrown me enough curve balls these past 4 months, I had my purse stolen this weekend. Can you believe that? Who snatches purses these days? And who does it in an airport, where apparently security is "currently at the ORANGE level"? What. The. Fuck. Good news though: you can still fly without a driver's license. You spend a little extra time with those ever-so-grumpy guys at security, but it can be done.
All week I've been realizing the numerous random items in my purse that, damn it, I really wish I still had: sunglasses, that favorite lip gloss, my cute business card holder, and of course the various financial documents. Most recently, I remembered that in it was the Lane Bryant giftcard that I have been saving since December to buy something fun right before I go to New York. Ugh. For someone who hasn't had a dime to buy herself a damn thing all winter – that was a very difficult save. And, all for nothin'. All I can say is I hope that bitch is skinny, like size 4 skinny. She may be able to sport the sunglasses and spend the $7 cash I had in there, but damn it - she better have no use for that damn gift certificate. No, I'm not bitter at all….
Life's been good though – really good, actually. Despite a tough start to the year… 2007 just might hold some potential. I love my new job. LOVE IT. Seattle is feeling once again like home. And, my sometimes restless soul seems to be accepting some lovingly calm influence lately. Not a bad feeling at all. Yes, if I can just ride this wave for a couple more months, I might be home free for 2007.
Oh, and yes - thanks to all of my mileage-accruing credit card debt, I am headed to NYC. And, I can't wait. Just ask Charlie – I pretty much remind him everyday how damn excited I am: "Charlie, 19 days!" "Charlie, 18 days!" "Charlie, tomorrow, just 17 days!" The poor guy will be burnt out on the excitement before I even get there. I just hope he gets a second wind when I walk through that gate. I'm banking on an exciting reunion, my friend.
I don't have the money to do a SATC Fabulous NYC trip, but it should be fun all the same. I'm happy doing the free ride to Staten Island, the picnic in Central Park, and I am pretty used to cheap wine now. And, not only do I get to see Charlie, I get to hang out with Merissa AND Kevin! Three of my favorite people in one short week, one big city! Yes, I have a feeling it will be 5 very memorable days.
Charlie, JUST 16 DAYS!!
All week I've been realizing the numerous random items in my purse that, damn it, I really wish I still had: sunglasses, that favorite lip gloss, my cute business card holder, and of course the various financial documents. Most recently, I remembered that in it was the Lane Bryant giftcard that I have been saving since December to buy something fun right before I go to New York. Ugh. For someone who hasn't had a dime to buy herself a damn thing all winter – that was a very difficult save. And, all for nothin'. All I can say is I hope that bitch is skinny, like size 4 skinny. She may be able to sport the sunglasses and spend the $7 cash I had in there, but damn it - she better have no use for that damn gift certificate. No, I'm not bitter at all….
Life's been good though – really good, actually. Despite a tough start to the year… 2007 just might hold some potential. I love my new job. LOVE IT. Seattle is feeling once again like home. And, my sometimes restless soul seems to be accepting some lovingly calm influence lately. Not a bad feeling at all. Yes, if I can just ride this wave for a couple more months, I might be home free for 2007.
Oh, and yes - thanks to all of my mileage-accruing credit card debt, I am headed to NYC. And, I can't wait. Just ask Charlie – I pretty much remind him everyday how damn excited I am: "Charlie, 19 days!" "Charlie, 18 days!" "Charlie, tomorrow, just 17 days!" The poor guy will be burnt out on the excitement before I even get there. I just hope he gets a second wind when I walk through that gate. I'm banking on an exciting reunion, my friend.
I don't have the money to do a SATC Fabulous NYC trip, but it should be fun all the same. I'm happy doing the free ride to Staten Island, the picnic in Central Park, and I am pretty used to cheap wine now. And, not only do I get to see Charlie, I get to hang out with Merissa AND Kevin! Three of my favorite people in one short week, one big city! Yes, I have a feeling it will be 5 very memorable days.
Charlie, JUST 16 DAYS!!
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