Where is the sun?

You have no idea how powerful you are. One gaze from across the grass, in which you hold steady and stare deep inside, and I am right back where I was so long ago. My breath catches and something deep down stirs ever so lightly, yet ever so presently. Warm, red scenes flash before me and I can almost feel you, smell you, taste you. I force myself to look away and into the sun, as if to punish my indulgence in temptation. I hate you and try my hardest to stay away from you, and just when I think I am over you, you reach out and touch me, I want so badly to push you way, but I can't. Where is the sun? Where is my punishment? You don't deserve this power, nor do you know you have it - at least I pray you don't know you have it. I don't want to be the pathetic one, the weak one, the one who was wrong. So, instead, I bury myself in others, try frantically to be interested and to be fully satisfied. But I'm losing interest fast and the last thing I remember feeling fully satisfied from was you.