Don't go

Playing witness to a dissolving relationship is never easy. Especially when you are equally invested in both parties, and have for so long loved the sum of the parts sometimes more often than the parts alone. As an outsider you can’t help but wonder if each side just gave a little more leeway - a little more grace, a little more love – that the union might survive the torrential dissolve that is on the brink. But having at some point been an insider of such a situation yourself, you also know that at the point right before the big separation, it’s obvious that even with leeway, grace, and love it’s nearly impossible. One side is so badly scorched by the opposite’s actions (or inaction, in some cases), and the other side has perfected distance as a coping mechanism for the frustration, hurt, and disappointment. Both are to blame, and neither apologize, and each has become apathetic.

One could argue that it’s the most tumultuous relationships that are the most passionate, energizing, and inspiring; that it’s that passion, energy, and inspiration that takes a small tear in the skin to the next level of gaping wound. The relationship from the outside seem so perfect and syncopated, so enigmatic and enviable.

I am a witness; I am an outsider; and, I am torn – shredded even – by the state that this rapidly dissolving union is in. Alone each member is good; but together they are great. There is passion; there is love; there is rhythm; and there is harmony. And I can't imagine anything similar without the current cohesiveness. And so I hold out hope, that something will change - that many things will change - and instead of dissolving away, this tie will start strengthening and growing again in the direction it once did.

Summer - really?

So, supposedly summer has arrived in Seattle. That is, if you can call 65 and sunny "summer." It wouldn't be so bad, I guess if 1) last summer wasn't so perfect, and 2) if this didn't make me miss life in Hawaii so damn much. Oh, the 80 degrees, wearing a swimsuit every day (just in case you have an hour to spare on the beach), the constantly being outside. I'm missing all of it like crazy lately.

To be fair, it is breaking 70 here... occasionally. Maybe twice a week. Maybe. But it's July. I had to have soup yesterday to warm up at work. No joke.

In other news, I'm still loving PATH. Its just been such a good experience. And while I realize that the bar was super low after working in Hell, I still couldn't be happier with how its gone so far. Hard to believe its been almost 2 years. The remnants of working with Mr. and Mrs. Crazy are almost gone: most of the hair has grown back, no sign of hives since, haven't had a bloody nose in 18 months, and I'm sleeping a solid 8 hours on a regular basis. It remains to be by far the most abusive situation I've ever been in (which, I guess is a good thing, when I look at it that way!).

I'm headed to Westport this weekend to camp with Team Klaja. I'm super excited, as Kaimana can attest to. After saying how excited I was a couple of times (okay maybe more than a couple) last night, he started saying "Auntie Yaya excited!" Pretty much made me melt.

Speaking of which - I better go change laundry and continue packing. Tomorrow is supposed to be one of those 70+ days and in order to take advantage of its rarity - we're headed to Golden Gardens in the evening, so I'll have no time to pack.

I'm hoping to get back into the habit of writing more, so we'll see.....

Vibrating... EVERYTHING!

So I think its official: American women have become obsessed with vibration. Or rather corporations are obsessed with producing and marketing anything that vibrates without calling it a vibrator... to women. It used to be just massagers (which come on, really are only used to massage one place) and Sonicare toothbrushes (hopefully not being used in that place); but now we've got vibrating razors, vibrating face scrubbers, even vibrating mascara! And just yesterday I saw an ad for a vibrating face make-up applicator. Really? I can't really imagine that vibration really significantly increases make-up application or appearance. And does it really improve complexion or encourage smoother legs?

While I find it completely ridiculous, I have to give it to them; they may have stumbled upon something revolutionary. Clearly women must be eating this up. Marketing experts have found a way to play (and capitalize) on the one thing that consistently gives us that fun sense of euphoria (sorry guys, even the best of you can't match that every single time) and the public has completely accepted it.

Oh advertising, how I love to hate you....

Things I learned in 2009

(building on those things I learned in 2006, 2007, and 2008)

It’s amazing what you can accomplish in your job when you feel fully supported and truly respected.

No matter what you do, Christmas just isn’t the same without family.

They aren’t kidding; there really is an app for everything.

Clean water and access to proper sanitation has become one of my most treasured and valued possessions.

I am stronger than I have ever been.

I wouldn’t trade those weekends on the road with Ian, Alisa, and Mark for anything.

Six-year reunions can be surprising and quite fun.

Thanks to one lovely little boy, one might now call me a "baby person".

Getting naked and sneaking into a public pool at 4am really is as fun and exciting as it sounds.

Patience has never been my thing, but I’m learning.

Cooking a nice dinner, drinking good wine, and hanging out with lovely friends is a perfect way to celebrate a birthday.

“Glamping” is the way to go.

That pedal that Alisa steps on periodically controls the volume of her fiddle.

Tequila: oh, how I love you.

Writing a Rolling Stone article is harder than you’d think.

Nothing beats a good kiss; but a wink from you from across the room comes in at a very close second.

Without a doubt, there will always be "Katy and Sara".

I may never get over Hawaii, and that’s okay; I can love it and long for it and yet still be very happy here.

No matter how old I get, I’ll always look up to and admire my parents.

10 years later

This last weekend, I reluctantly made my way down South to Portland to attend my 10 year high school reunion (okay, so maybe reluctantly isn't necessarily the right word; I may or may not have complained to Katy for about 6 months prior to the event, hoping she'd tell me we didn't have to go). It wasn't that I didn't like high school; I did. I really did. I just have little tolerance for bullshit and I got in my mind that it would all be bullshit - all of these people (including me) trying to prove that we'd done something with ourselves when really no one has had enough time to do a damn thing. 10 years is not that long! However, as much as I hated to admit it (especially to Katy as she would have every right to say "I told you so"), I had a really good time.

And, so I have decided to devote this week's entry to THE 10 THINGS THAT WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED 10 YEARS AGO.

1. I would not have been deemed the public transportation expert on the bus and train on my way down (apparently I looked like I was seasoned in area as at least 6 people stopped me to ask questions and/or proceeded to follow me); no, that would not have happened - after all I grew up in disgustingly boring white middle class suburbia where public transportation meant a yellow school bus going to a school in the aforementioned category.

2. Taken shots and proceeded to get hammered with half the people that shared/encouraged my intoxication that night; in fact, given that I was only 18 years old and didn't start [really] drinking until I was 21, I wouldn't have done that with anyone.

3. Taken a full day to recover from an all nighter and the above said intoxication; how is it that teenagers have the phenomenal ability to sleep all day and night and yet also be able to stay up all day and night? I can no longer do either.

4. Needed to look at name tags of my classmates; proudly, Katy and I knew the names of every kid in our class on graduation day (yes we tested ourselves with a year book).

5. Been described as "fucking hot" by someone I didn't know (or at least had a hard time remembering exactly how I knew them); "you have such a pretty face" or something equally as patronizing would have been more like it.

6. Discussed "losing it" with those that I did; no, wouldn't have discussed that, because happily there was nothing to discuss on that subject back then.

7. Considered our old neighborhood so small; I swear the walk from home to the bus stop was fucking long back then (yeah, it was 3 houses away).

8. Missed my parents so, so badly; I was always close to them growing up (and in ways still am), but I would never have imagined driving by our old house and yearning to walk through that door, see and hug them so tightly.

9. Been so excited to see a friend's new baby; while I'm not totally sure even now that I want a baby at some point in my life, back then I had my mind up that I was not a baby person and motherhood would never be for me.

10. Thought I'd be this comfortable, happy, and proud of who I am and what I've become.

There are one or two other things that wouldn't have happened that did on this momentous timeline marker, but I will leave it at this and give you an update in 10 more years.