Something sweet....

Be my friend.
Don't forget to love me,
Think of me in your dreams,
And promise you won't forget me.
Choose to see me when you close your eyes,
And hope for me to never leave.
It could be like it once was.
All you have to do is ask,
And we could go back,
Back to when neither of us was afraid,
Back to when we were free
To touch and love and dream,
Back to when you were you
And I was me.

Dreaming while breathing

So I've been doing that thing again... holding my breath in my sleep. Its so weird. I don't know why I do it, and even though it most generally accompanies a dream where I am swimming (or worse yet, drowning), I don't realize I've done it until wake up and feel the aching in my lungs. If I am drowning, I wake up just before I presumably die, my chest heaving and tight; but most of the time, I don't fully wake and don't feel the ache until the next day. I think its those times that I must dream that I suddenly acquire the ability to breathe underwater.

Last night, I was swimming - in a pool with women I feel I know, yet don't recognize. The pool was in my elementary school gym, encased in old brick and containing the bluest of Maui waters. I was swimming lengths in the same lane with a beautiful acquaintance - though I can't quite remember who it was. The person I do remember, though, is the woman standing above the pool, in an all white pantsuit and a silver whistle dangling from her neck: it's Ellen. Yes, as in Degeneres. How wierd is that? She kept blowing that damn whistle. And, I kept holding my damn breath. Until, eventually, when I inhaled slowly, shallowly, and miraculously learned I could breath in the liquid and survive moments, minutes, hours immersed in this blue heaven.

Maybe seconds later or maybe hours later, I am crawling out of straw-covered ground into an open charred field and staring at orange fire in the sky, ready to dodge sparks that might be coming my way. This time I am with men, all of whom I recognize, some of whom I love, others whom I fear. Our bodies are covered in black soot and the air is thick with black smoke. And, strangely, I do not hold my breath here; no, here, I breathe in eagerly, freely, hungrily.

Startin' off right...

$4600 in cash, only 2 broken champagne glasses, and a black eye ---- I'd say it was a good night.

Well, we pulled it off. Friend and I put on a party that seemed to live up to everyone's expectations. It lived up to mine. We worked our asses off and still had an amazing time - not an easy thing to accomplish. After we figure out our expenses, we will present a check to Athena Partners much bigger than we anticipated at the beginning of this little project. I can't believe it! What a way to ring in the new year - with almost all of your friends surrounding you, all giving to a good cause. I hear the rumblings of an annual plan in the mix....

The Convent (who says nuns can't score?) converted quite nicely to Hotel NYE, the living room strewn with passed out bodies remnants of a kickass celebration. Its nice to know that if there were ever some sort of natural disaster and our townhouse was the only livable structure available in a 2 mile radius, we could handle it - no problem.

Time for the letdown period to kick in... I am sure that it will happen sooner than later. I get like that, you know. I work non-stop on a project and then when its over, I feel a bit lazy, a bit lost, a bit bored. It hasn't hit me quite yet - my body is in shock, exhausted with aching muscles and trying its hardest to fight off a cold (keep going, you can do it, don't give in!). But it will come soon, I know.
But now I must get to sleep - yes, I realize it's not quite 9:00 yet. Live my life these past 2 weeks and then propose an argument.

Real quick before I go, I better add a disclaimer about the Black Eye: totally innocent, and definitely worth it - we'll call it a war wound (so hold the concerned emails; I am not in an abusive relationship seeking refuge).

So, Happy New Year - and, fuck the resolutions -- just have fun in 2007, okay?!?!

Things I learned in 2006

A good New Year's kiss really is amazing.

Sunlight does wonders for the soul.

Say what you feel when you feel it – because it's what's real that counts.

A kumquat is not a squash; it's a fruit.

Returning home is sometimes harder than leaving in the first place.

It CAN happen to anybody, and it does more than you think.

Credit Cards are the devil.

A bottle of wine, chips & salsa, and a sunset on the beach with a good friend can bandage any emotional wound.

I may want you, but I don't NEED you.

Be careful what you wish for – it just may come true.

You don't have to like everybody. And, not everybody has to like you.

Trust your gut; if something doesn't seem right, it probably isn't.

Never sleep with a friend.

Gluten-free may be good for you, but it's not good (even when its served as breakfast in bed).

There's really no need to be in such a hurry.

Some secrets are good to keep.

I may not want to be with you, but damn it, I want you to want to be with me.

Soy really shouldn't be steamed hotter than 130 degrees.

Al natural is prettier than you think.

Being flattered by someone's affection is not the same as returning the feeling.

Sometimes, all you have to do is ask.

Blondes might have more fun; but, Brunettes get more respect.

When it comes down to it we really don't want to be with someone who doesn't really want to be with us.

Risking it all to have one thing is worth more than risking nothing to have everything.

Ladies! And The One...

Among my girlfriends there seems to be a common trend - There Are No Men... But, yet, I must ask: Are you sure its that men are missing? Listening to our discussions, I can't help laugh at the irony. When it comes down to it, Men are there. They are just not the the ones that you want to be with. In order to find him, apparently you must weed through the following:

The one you don't want to be with but wants to be with you.
The one you once were with, but for some reason aren't now.
The one that's javascript:void(0)perfect... and perfectly unavailable.
The one you wish you could love but just don't.
The one you use to get by.
The one that uses you to get by.
The one you will always be enamored with, but never do anything about.
The one you are ashamed of.
The one you are flattered by.
The one that appeared at the wrong time and dissappeared at the right time.
The one that makes you laugh so much, but also makes you cry too much.
The one that looks like a 10 through the end of a wine glass.
The one you know you shouldn't be with, but can't help it and are.

And the list goes on. However, those we can all get over. But there's ONE we can't, for some reason. And that is: The one you want to be with but just doesn't want to be with you. Why is that? I talk to women everyday with the same story, working to get the same thing. All of them hoping He will notice her, or He will change his mind, or He will call, or He will ask her out, or He will profess his love. And all of them are trying to be so careful in there moves in order to get these things.

Why, I ask. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't call? Who doesn't say I love you? Who doesn't notice you? Who you feel you need to be so careful with? Ladies - we must stop this! We must brush this category off with the others, stop getting hung up on this ONE.

Ultimately, we do NOT want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with us. We really don't. I guarantee it. Don't be blinded by society's notions of The Chase. Yes, the chase is real, and its fun, and at times necessary. But at a point, its a ghost of an excuse. He's not going to change his mind, and if he does - you shouldn't be there waiting for it. Free yourself from that - liberate your time, your emotions, and your will. Do it and you just might find exactly what you are looking for.

With that said... you'll have to excuse me; one of my ONEs called - I am meeting him for a drink....